10 hilarious anti-Microsoft quotes

*www.crystalxp.net/galerie/img/th_26.jpg

Love or hate Microsoft, these 10 quotes would make both a fan and a hater laugh their heart out. These are so funny and well thought out. I had a good laugh after reading them and I bet you would too!

My friend, Ashish, showed me these hilarious anti-Microsoft quotes from BOARD OF WISDOM

I picked up 10 quotes from there and here they are :-

1) People say that if you play Microsoft CD's backwards, you hear satanic things, but that's nothing, because if you play them forwards, they install Windows.

2) The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. So I installed LINUX.

3) In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

4) Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

5) MICROSOFT = Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

6) Windows has detected you do not have a keyboard. Press 'F9" to continue.

7) Use The Best...
Linux for Servers
Mac for Graphics
Palm for Mobility
Windows for Solitaire

8 ) Software is like sex: It's better when it's free.

9) Unix, DOS and Windows...the good, the bad and the ugly.

10) ACs are like computers- Both work fine until you open Windows!

Which is your favorite quote among these? Please let me know in the comments!

<snip>

soumya said:
5) MICROSOFT = Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

lolz...its true

To be honest, I have seen better ones, though I can't remember any.

2) The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. So I installed LINUX.

thanks! the site(board of wisdom) is really cool!

"Software is like sex; its better when its free! This was quoted by Linus Torvalds!

M

thanks for board of wisdom link

V

Awesome!!!! My favourite ones are

5) MICROSOFT = Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
10) ACs are like computers- Both work fine until you open Windows!

10) ACs are like computers- Both work fine until you open Windows!

LOL...

Hey ... Thnx for sharing ! these are cool...never heard of them before !

Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

This One's my favorite !

Thanks for sharing

*s269.photobucket.com/albums/jj44/visio159/Unismilies/41large.png

6) Windows has detected you do not have a keyboard. Press 'F9" to continue.

2) The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. So I installed LINUX.

lolz.. :lol:

This isn't a news I reckon should be moved to chit chat.

u fgot this one

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):

"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1) For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2) Every time they painted new lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
3) Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4) Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5) Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.
6) Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
7) The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8) New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9) The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10) Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11) GM would also require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12) Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13) You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

al d 10 r good..

amitash said:
13) You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

lolz

The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

ROFL

1) People say that if you play Apple CD's backwards, you hear satanic things, but that's nothing, because if you play them forwards, they install OS X.

This is by far the whackiest if someone was to ask me.

^^Lolz..

lol...........too good

C

iMav said:
1) People say that if you play Apple CD's backwards, you hear satanic things, but that's nothing, because if you play them forwards, they install OS X.

Click to expand...

This is by far the whackiest if someone was to ask me.

Seriously manan, you gotta learn to enjoy humor without having "How to defend Microsoft" in your mind 24x7.

^^lolz...yeah

Life is more than softwares and these companies

8 ) Software is like sex: It's better when it's free.

well i don't think it is true in all cases ;-)

Quite an irony as to who is telling me to enjoy humor! :lol:

^^
sorry but i didn't understand

K

Incidentally, the 3rd one has been misquoted- It actually is "In a world without fences, who needs gates?" by scott mcnealy
check this page out
*humorix.org/slogans/

karmanya said:
Incidentally, the 3rd one has been misquoted- It actually is "In a world without fences, who needs gates?" by scott mcnealy
check this page out
*humorix.org/slogans/

It's not been mis-quoted. It was supposed to be as it is.

amitash said:
u fgot this one

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):

"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1) For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2) Every time they painted new lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
3) Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4) Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5) Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.
6) Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
7) The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8) New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9) The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10) Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11) GM would also require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12) Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13) You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

haha.....great

This isn't really news. So I am moving this to Chit Chat.

And my fav quote :

4) Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

My Fav. -->

6) Windows has detected you do not have a keyboard. Press 'F9" to continue.

:lol:

P

Those jokes have been around for years, but they're still really funny. There are hundreds of anti-MS and anti-Bill Gates jokes. One of my favourites is the helicopter joke:

A helicopter carrying several passengers was trying to land in Redmond (home of MS), but a thick low-lying fog prevented the pilot from seeing where he was. Moreover, their radio was damaged and fuel was running low. They circled as low as they dared and after a long time, they saw a tall building rising above the fog.

The pilot hovered near the building, took out a piece of paper, scrawled in big letters "Where are we?" and showed it to the people looking out the window of the building. They responded by displaying their own message: "You are in a helicopter".

The desperate passengers swore at the stupidity of those people but the pilot nodded, smiled and headed off confidently, landing at their destination without hesitation.

After landing, the relieved passengers congratulated the pilot on his skill and asked him how he suddenly knew where to land. The pilot smiled and said,"Well, there's only one group of people who give that kind of answer to a question - technically correct but absolutely useless. I knew those people had to be Microsoft employees who wrote the Windows Help file, and the building had to be Microsoft HQ. From there, I knew where to go."

^^ Thats a good one :))

Ha ha ha.

My favourite =>

Micro$haft $uck$!!!. Winblow$ $uck$. Bill Gate$ is an @$%&!@$!!! iMav, Gx_$aurav are @%&^~!$^%!$!$#&%~$#&*%$!#%$#&!!! OSS ROCKS!!!

Here is mine fav

"Balls Balls"

pimpom said:
Those jokes have been around for years, but they're still really funny. There are hundreds of anti-MS and anti-Bill Gates jokes. One of my favourites is the helicopter joke:

A helicopter carrying several passengers was trying to land in Redmond (home of MS), but a thick low-lying fog prevented the pilot from seeing where he was. Moreover, their radio was damaged and fuel was running low. They circled as low as they dared and after a long time, they saw a tall building rising above the fog.

The pilot hovered near the building, took out a piece of paper, scrawled in big letters "Where are we?" and showed it to the people looking out the window of the building. They responded by displaying their own message: "You are in a helicopter".

The desperate passengers swore at the stupidity of those people but the pilot nodded, smiled and headed off confidently, landing at their destination without hesitation.

After landing, the relieved passengers congratulated the pilot on his skill and asked him how he suddenly knew where to land. The pilot smiled and said,"Well, there's only one group of people who give that kind of answer to a question - technically correct but absolutely useless. I knew those people had to be Microsoft employees who wrote the Windows Help file, and the building had to be Microsoft HQ. From there, I knew where to go."

lmao

P

I wrote the story from memory, so there will be differences in the exact wording from those you find on the web. It's one of my favourites because, long before I read the joke, I felt exactly the same way the mythical pilot does about Windows Help.

my grandfather used to tell me "When a mighty Elephant goes out in the market, there are many stray dogs who just simply bark.. unfortunately they just remain dogs and the elephant goes merrily"

^^True.

C

jal_desai said:
my grandfather used to tell me "When a mighty Elephant goes out in the market, there are many stray dogs who just simply bark.. unfortunately they just remain dogs and the elephant goes merrily"

If you meant Microsoft to be elephant, you have got a really bad comparison here. When an elephant enters the market, it does not trample over all the dogs and cats there. But Microsoft is notorious for such acts.

^^ I dont think his grandfather used to refer Microsoft as elephant.

chandru.in said:
If you meant Microsoft to be elephant, you have got a really bad comparison here. When an elephant enters the market, it does not trample over all the dogs and cats there. But Microsoft is notorious for such acts.

Dude, Microsoft got the money and the balls so they are using it

.

chandru.in said:
If you meant Microsoft to be elephant, you have got a really bad comparison here. When an elephant enters the market, it does not trample over all the dogs and cats there. But Microsoft is notorious for such acts.

They dont trample over cats and dogs ... They do trample fellow elephants(Apple & Mac)

^^

i dont wanna start some war but y always criticising microsoft.. just because bill stole some design.. big deal.. he took someone else's ideas... big deal.. lemme telll.. an idea is only good as its implementation... those retards just had the idea and did nothing abt it in a timely manner... microsoft took the opportunity... big deal.. Sure it has a bad history and whether u say it or not, deep down inside u accept tht:

WIN IS KINNG!!! *img227.imageshack.us/img227/2082/winiskingwf9.png

Disclaimer: The above post is just meant for humor as the thread itself is about humor and satire. I am not saying other platforms are bad.. I am saying mine is the best. And i dont want to prove anything. just letting my mind run in a 'wild' direction. can i quote something... "GURUBHAI*img227.imageshack.us/img227/3066/vistaorbbz9.png SE LADNA TO GURUBHAI*img227.imageshack.us/img227/3066/vistaorbbz9.png BANKE...... LEKIN GURUBHAI*img227.imageshack.us/img227/3066/vistaorbbz9.png EK HI HAI". (punch line punch line ... drumroll please!)

M

^^ Lolz my fav one goes something like ::

LinuX Files :: The source is out there

@jal
ignorance is bliss (albeit a delusional one)

^^ he he.. achchi line thi.. achchi line thi...

Quote from Download:A true story of the internet

"It [Microsoft] is the last man to come to the party... and is always the last man standing."

^^True.....

Ya you always criticise Microsoft coz it stole Apple's idea. But it added so much to it. Also the directX for gaming and stuff. Second reason why you curse it is that it aint open source......... but well think about it, how many people who use open source really make changes in their softwares codes and stuff ?

hey kpower

Guess you never played Doom 3

So what hampered it ? tell me ? Wasn't Doom 3 one of the most good looking game back then ?

pimpom said:
Those jokes have been around for years, but they're still really funny. There are hundreds of anti-MS and anti-Bill Gates jokes. One of my favourites is the helicopter joke:

A helicopter carrying several passengers was trying to land in Redmond (home of MS), but a thick low-lying fog prevented the pilot from seeing where he was. Moreover, their radio was damaged and fuel was running low. They circled as low as they dared and after a long time, they saw a tall building rising above the fog.

The pilot hovered near the building, took out a piece of paper, scrawled in big letters "Where are we?" and showed it to the people looking out the window of the building. They responded by displaying their own message: "You are in a helicopter".

The desperate passengers swore at the stupidity of those people but the pilot nodded, smiled and headed off confidently, landing at their destination without hesitation.

After landing, the relieved passengers congratulated the pilot on his skill and asked him how he suddenly knew where to land. The pilot smiled and said,"Well, there's only one group of people who give that kind of answer to a question - technically correct but absolutely useless. I knew those people had to be Microsoft employees who wrote the Windows Help file, and the building had to be Microsoft HQ. From there, I knew where to go."

Thanks for sharing.
Rofl. :))

T159 said:
hey kpower

Guess you never played Doom 3 So what hampered it ? tell me ? Wasn't Doom 3 one of the most good looking game back then ?

Hmm........I didnt get you. What has Doom 3 to do with Microsoft's borrowing someone's idea and users not modifying source code

But yus, it was THE best looking game back then. I remember people trying to run it at max but failing :razz:

It was the Crysis of its era.

^^i cant help you to understand it more, its related to what you said for DX 10.